Toxic Positivity:Disclaimer

Sad to say, I feel I have to put this here because there is going to be that someone who hasn’t read all my content or know me personally. They will then proceed to be a keyboard warrior and convict me on being a spreader of Toxic Positivity. Hence, this blog post. 

It has come to my knowledge not everyone is aware of the term Toxic Positivity or what it means. As per Wikipedia:

“Toxic positivity

Description

Toxic positivity or positive toxicity is dysfunctional emotional management without the full acknowledgment of negative emotions, particularly anger and sadness. Wikipedia”

For those who do not know me and even for those who THINK they know me, allow me to take you through a brief list of the experiences I have lived through in my life. Perhaps then it will be clear that I am not ever to be the first to tell someone not to experience their emotions, ride through their grief, lick their wounds or wallow in self pity. On the contrary, I encourage it. That is all part of the process. What I DO NOT encourage is staying there. Being stuck. Living in the past. Self sacrificing our futures for experiences or events we cannot change. What I do encourage is experiencing the feelings and emotions that come with the turmoil, strife and trauma inflicted upon us. That is a major factor in being able to move forward . To be able to move forward and enjoy the remainder of our lives no matter how long or short they will be after without feeling guilty. That being said, I am a medical professional. Having spent many years in a hospital setting, most of them being in the Emergency Room. I have 20+ years of experience caring for people who have encountered stressful, urgent, traumatic and often life changing events. My compassion and empathy run high in this field especially with the homeless and the mentally ill. Besides that, this website and my business would not exist if not for my own personal traumatic, heart wrenching, unbelievable extraordinary events in my life, many occurring in my earlier years. 

Things I have survived or experienced thus far in my life:

• Loss of an unborn child carried to 7 months

• Loss of a parent in my early 20s

• Loss of a sibling (way too early)

• Loss of the man I loved from the age of 14 to be reunited in adulthood and to lose him tragically to alcoholism and never making it to our wedding day

• Loss of my best friend, protectors and confidantes in those last three people

• Loss of pets both to sickness and circumstances

• Physical Abuse

• Mental Abuse

• Rape

• Depression

• Anxiety

• Discrimination from both sides of race and ethnicity. Each telling me I don’t meet the standards, being left to feel isolated

• Teased in grammar school then bullied in high school

• Terminated from a job

• Evicted from my home (losing not only our home but my entire savings trying to save it)

• Faced homelessness multiple times

• Car accident which took me four years to recover from (and still have residual effects to this day)

• Both Toxic and Hostile work environment

• Unsuccessfully performing CPR on a dear friend and having to look her family in the eye

• Sexual harassment

• Discrimination (on a daily basis based off my appearance only)

• Divorce

• Losing quality time and years with my children from separation and divorce

• Infidelity during multiple relationships (there will be a post about this eventually)

• Physically abusive relationships

• Failing a semester of nursing school

• Being humiliated in front of students half my age during nursing school and told “that’s a stupid question. Nobody is ever going to ask that” not having that question answered then being asked that same question by that same instructor during a test out she could have failed me for. (I found the answer before then)

  DESPITE ALL THIS I AM STILL STANDING. Not without perserverance and grit. Not without sadness and grief. Not all my days are happy and I am often reminded of the scars I bear and where they came from. I just don’t let them keep me down for long. I feel what I have to feel and remember what I need to remember. Sometimes I cry, other times I head to the gym or the punching bag and let it out. Then I move on. Why? Because I don’t live there anymore. “I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become” ~Carl Jung.

  At this point that’s what I can recall that rolls off the top of my head. I reserve the right and I will update this list as the memories cross my mind again. This is not meant to be a WHOAS ME feel sorry for me list. EVERYONE has a list. My point is that I have loved and I have lost, I have been bruised, battered and scarred. I have been mocked and made to sit silent and led to feel as if I was a nobody. I know that many if not all of you who come to my page have that list or can unfortunately relate. Quite a few are going to still feel stuck. You are not a tree. You are not stuck. Take the first step in healing and trust the process. THINGS CAN AND DO GET BETTER. Take the first step. If you need help taking that step, that is what I am here for.